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YOUR TEENAGER AND YOU

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You cannot give what you don’t have. Unless you have the experience of how teenagers think and behave, it will be difficult for you to understand or mold them to conform to the standard you want for them. Until you come to their level of thinking, to handle them well might be a mirage. Find below 12 points on how to understand the thinking chemistry of teenagers, how and why they behave in most circumstances:

  1. Teenagers are selfish
  2. They are experimental in nature
  3. They will always  test boundaries and test how emotionally you are
  4. They are proud and over-confident, even at things they may not be able to handle well.
  5. They are rebellious-hate rules and restrictions because they curtail their freedom
  6. Think more intelligently than you.
  7. Peer pressure /influence is strong among teenagers
  8. They want to do whatever they feel like doing without thinking of the consequences.
  9. They don’t live in your own world.
  10. Feeling of inadequacies and unsecured.
  11. Like fun and adventures.

Once you identify any or some of the above mentioned, your job now is to do the following:

  1.       Feed them with accurate knowledge
  2.       Give them the right information
  3.       Correct them in love
  4.       Get them to have confidence in you
  5.       Come to their level.
  6.       Encourage them to read good books-motivational, autobiographies etc.
  7.       Encourage them to talk to you on issues that bother them.
  8.       Let them understand the evils of bottling up their challenges.
  9.       Know and be familiar with all their friends (males or females)

10      Involve them in intelligent discussions.

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Education

HEALTH TIPS

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No matter how busy  you are, try to observe the underlisted to remain healthy:

  • Drink less milk in your tea. Instead, add lemon or lime juice
  • Drink more water during the day time but drink less at night time
  • Do not drink more than 2 cups of coffee during the day
  • Eat less oily foods
  • Best sleeping times are between 10 pm to 6 am
  • Don’t take medicines with cold water but with warm and take your medicines half an hour before going to bed. Never take medicine and lie down immediately
  • As you age, stop drinking chilled water but drink only water at room temperature
  • Try to sleep for at least 8 hours per day
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Education

HOW TO TALK IN PUBLIC WITH NATIVE INTELLIGENCE

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Lately, a question was put to FFK in Calabar by a journalist on who funds his touring sphere? His response was an outburst of anger, disdain vituperative words lased on the journalist, a reflection of his true self-that has become history.

Please find below a fine personality, a politician of repute who was in a similar situation as Fani Kayode and his response;

SENATOR RASHEED ADEWOLU LADOJA’S REACTION WHEN IN SIMILAR SITUATION AS FANI KAYODE,

Former Governor of Oyo State, Ladoja was once asked an embarrassing question, more embarrassing than the question that exposed FFK’s ill-manners in Calabar.

VENUE: Board Room Nigerian Tribune

MISSION-Ladoja Gubernatorial Campaign Media Interaction

QUESTION- Senator Ladoja, you look so dull, drab, unattractive, unintelligent, and without colour. Do you think a dullard like you can be a reasonable governor of Oyo State where sharper minds have tried unsuccessfully?

The whole hall went into mute session. The lateEgbon Bola Alphonso who was one of his campaign coordinators unconsciously uttered”Haa Ojo-Lanre”! For a minute, it was a graveyard eerie silence.

ANSWER-Senator Ladoja looked up, smiled and said,” Ojo-Lanre, thank you for your question. True, I am not a handsome man by my look, I don’t labour much before a lady fall for me.  You know my wives are cute. Check them out”. And if you think I am dull and unintelligent, Ojo-Lanre, you are correct but you will agree with me that Olivet High, Oyo is one of the best secondary schools in Nigeria with a strict form of admission to their schools particularly when you want to join them at class four. I was the first to be admitted to join class four because  I was so dull and unintelligent. And  also, my being an unintelligent fellow helped me to pass all my subjects with’A’S which forced the Federal Government to buffet me with a Federal Government Scholarship to Belgium to study Petroleum Engineering….” ”Also, I have used my unattractiveness to run intercontinental maritime companies successfully since I went into the private endeavour”…….deafening applause for a wise man.

I quickly ran to the computers department to supervise my pages.

Ladoja who toured the Tribune met me at the computer section, shook my hand and looked at my face and said:” Ojo-Lanre, I like the way you forced me to blow my trumpet. I respect your style”

And since that day, we have been friends.

Background Exposure, Being brought up properly, Mental Health, Native intelligence, proper education, values orientations, all matter in the affairs of men, Senator Ladoja is a great man. You can only give what you have.

 

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Education

RAPE ‘PANDEMIC ‘IN NIGERIA

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Rape is sexual intercourse with a woman or man against her/his will or without consent. It is also a rape when her consent is obtained under duress or threat of death or hurt. I t can also happen when her consent is obtained by virtue of a position of authority, professional relationship and the like.

The whirlwind of rape in Nigeria  is becoming alarming and unless something drastic is quickly done to nib the evil acts in the bud, we may be heading towards the state of nature which Thomas Hobbes, the 17th-century Philosopher famously described as ‘’ Solitary, nasty, brutish and short.’’ That was a situation where anybody could kill, maim, and rape without recourse to any law; thus Thomas called for the establishment of government to maintain law and order.

Rape happens globally regardless of colour, race, ethnicity, economic status, religion and culture. An African proverb says ‘If a crocodile can eat its own egg, what will it not do to the flesh of a frog’’. It is no longer a news to hear, read and see nowadays a father raping his 4 or 7-year-old daughter in his own house, on his own matrimonial bed!!

Rape has existed before now but not as rampant as it is being reported now. Perhaps it has now become novel because our society and government have not given the aggressive ‘war’ it deserves like the ‘’BOKO HARAM’’ insurgency we are currently wrestling with. Suffice it to recall cases of rape of recent: The Dangora serial rapist, who specializes in climbing the fence to rape his victims. He was alleged to have raped 40 women in one town within a year! Also, we have a 12-year old girl raped over two months ago in North-West of Jigawa state, Baraka Bello that was gang-raped and murdered in Ibadan South –West of Oyo State, the university Undergraduate- Uwavera Omozuwa allegedly raped and murdered in a church after her head was smatched with a fire extinguisher and a 17-year old girl who was gang-raped in the  South –West of Ekiti State just to mention a few.

WHY THE RAPE?

  1. THE HOME-Some parents over trust their relations-cousins, brothers, neighbours etc and leave these vulnerable ones in their care unsuspectedly. Some parents are also too preoccupied chasing money or business at the expense of their children until the damage has been done before they realize.
  2. POVERTY-Poverty has made some parents live in a one-room apartment and having sex with their spouse in the presence of their children. These children, therefore, learn the act of having sex right from their unsuspecting parents early in life. Also, some unscrupulous neighbours use money or other valuables to entice young unsuspecting and innocent girls, which eventually lured them to being raped.
  3. INDECENT DRESSING-Wearing of transparent, provocative clothing in the street, Church, School, and social gatherings entices the debased minds to rape. Close to this is late night clubbing.
  4. WRONG CHOICE OF FRIENDSHIP-Accompany friends to a male house unsuspecting that the friend had already ‘sold’ her body to the boy or man. She uses an excuse to go out but leaves her friend behind with the evil perpetrator while her friend would be waiting for her return.
  5. USE OF HARD DRUG AND ALCOHOL-Rapists have been found times unnumbered to be under the influence of hard drugs or alcohol before perpetrating the evil act. Some of them may even look ‘friendly’ at get- together party but lazed unsuspecting female’s drinks with a hard drug that will make her sleep off.
  6. INDECENT MOVIE/ADVERT-Rapists go for indecent movies, pornography to arouse their emotions and thereafter look for his prey. Also, some advertisement s on the tube (TV) entice rapists and encourage them to put into practice what they have watched.

UNICEF reported in 2015 that one of the four girls and one in 10 boys in Nigeria had experienced sexual violence before age 18. Over 31.4% of girls said their first sexual encounter had been raped or forced sex of some kind. Similarly, the Centre for Environment, Human Rights and Development reported that 1200 girls had been raped in 2012 in Rivers, a coastal state in South-Eastern Nigeria. We should go beyond the myth of rape that it’s because of indecent dressing, late nights and the like that make people rape innocent girls/women. Any reasonable human being should not think of rape. It is only people with a mental weakness that are found raping innocent girls. It shows a lack of confidence in a man or inferiority complex or deliberate wickedness or jealousy. Men are meant to defend women because they are symbols of motherhood. They are to be handled with all modesty just as we do for our parents.

EVIL EFFECTS OF RAPE ON THE VICTIMS

  1. Loss of divine Pride- Virginity (if she is a virgin)
  2. Unwanted pregnancy- turns her to a teenage mother untimely.
  3. May contract sexual transmitted disease (STD)

4. It may lead to death or deformity

  1. Stigmatization
  2. Depression
  3. It may lead to madness
  4. May turn to prostitution
  5. May hate men and vowed not to marry
  6. Afraid of relating to men

(The list is inexhaustible)

WATCH FOR SIGNS THAT MAY LEAD TO RAPE AND WHAT TO DO:

 

1. You owe it to yourself and future as a young girl or woman to stay away from an uncle, neighbours or friend,( no matter how intimate with you)  trying to touch, or hold sensitive parts of your body, such as breasts, buttocks or genitals, saying he’s just playing with you. As a boy, you should also look out for these signs because ‘sick’ men and women these days use these signs to test the waters.

  1. Avoid being alone with anybody who has expressed interest in having a ‘special’ relationship with you in the past.
  2. Don’t ever go anywhere with strangers or semi-strangers like your brother or sister’s friend, or relations you personally do not know anything about, no matter the reasons and without your parent’s approval.
  3. Always be cautious and listens to your inner mind (small voice) that warns you not to go somewhere or do something you are about to do.
  4. Always ask questions especially when you are asked to accompany anybody somewhere
  5. Scream LOUDLY when you are trapped
  6. Scratch, bite, as much as you could when trapped by a rapist (don’t make it easy for him)
  7. Don’t believe in the threat-‘’ you will die if you don’t allow me’’
  8. Report to your parents, teacher, your friend, your friend’s parents as quickly as possible

10 Reject the myth of stigmatization-tell it to whoever cares to listen to you

SUGGESTED    SOLUTIONS

The following suggested panacea will minimize drastically the problem of rape:

  1. The government must make rape a serious capital offence; if convicted, should warrant nothing less than 40 years imprisonment with 12 strokes of public canning in the home town of the culprit.

2. Quick dispensation of justice should be paramount in rape cases (at most within 4 months of prosecution and conviction)

  1. The security agencies should take rape victims seriously and with compassion whenever they report issues to them and not embarrassing them with a barrage of questions to humiliate them the more as if they are careless with their r bodies.
  2. The searchlight must be beamed on the Nigeria Film’s Censors Board to edit aspects of their movies that are erotic. They can pass on their messages to the public without including deep romantic scenes. The advertising practitioners should not allow illicit advertorials to feature on the television stations.
  3. Parents should separate their own room from their children and should not allow grown-up boys and girls to sleep on the same bed.

7. Victims of rape or their Parents should visit NAPTIP   who will help to advise and possibly facilitate the case with the appropriate authority.

Victims of rape should stop seeing themselves as worthless or hopeless because they have been defiled. The person who is really worthless and hopeless is the person who defiled them and once the victim of rape does not keep quiet, sooner or later, the perpetrator of the evil act will face the wrath of the law.

By- Idowu ‘Tunde

 

 

 

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The interviews’ is an on-line development communication outfit,established for the coverage of positive developments in our local communities,cities and towns. Its pre-occupation is to showcase inventors and professionals at the grassroots-people who are poised to bringing technical, economic ,social political,religious and cultural developments to the fore.

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