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HOW TO TALK IN PUBLIC WITH NATIVE INTELLIGENCE

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Lately, a question was put to FFK in Calabar by a journalist on who funds his touring sphere? His response was an outburst of anger, disdain vituperative words lased on the journalist, a reflection of his true self-that has become history.

Please find below a fine personality, a politician of repute who was in a similar situation as Fani Kayode and his response;

SENATOR RASHEED ADEWOLU LADOJA’S REACTION WHEN IN SIMILAR SITUATION AS FANI KAYODE,

Former Governor of Oyo State, Ladoja was once asked an embarrassing question, more embarrassing than the question that exposed FFK’s ill-manners in Calabar.

VENUE: Board Room Nigerian Tribune

MISSION-Ladoja Gubernatorial Campaign Media Interaction

QUESTION- Senator Ladoja, you look so dull, drab, unattractive, unintelligent, and without colour. Do you think a dullard like you can be a reasonable governor of Oyo State where sharper minds have tried unsuccessfully?

The whole hall went into mute session. The lateEgbon Bola Alphonso who was one of his campaign coordinators unconsciously uttered”Haa Ojo-Lanre”! For a minute, it was a graveyard eerie silence.

ANSWER-Senator Ladoja looked up, smiled and said,” Ojo-Lanre, thank you for your question. True, I am not a handsome man by my look, I don’t labour much before a lady fall for me.  You know my wives are cute. Check them out”. And if you think I am dull and unintelligent, Ojo-Lanre, you are correct but you will agree with me that Olivet High, Oyo is one of the best secondary schools in Nigeria with a strict form of admission to their schools particularly when you want to join them at class four. I was the first to be admitted to join class four because  I was so dull and unintelligent. And  also, my being an unintelligent fellow helped me to pass all my subjects with’A’S which forced the Federal Government to buffet me with a Federal Government Scholarship to Belgium to study Petroleum Engineering….” ”Also, I have used my unattractiveness to run intercontinental maritime companies successfully since I went into the private endeavour”…….deafening applause for a wise man.

I quickly ran to the computers department to supervise my pages.

Ladoja who toured the Tribune met me at the computer section, shook my hand and looked at my face and said:” Ojo-Lanre, I like the way you forced me to blow my trumpet. I respect your style”

And since that day, we have been friends.

Background Exposure, Being brought up properly, Mental Health, Native intelligence, proper education, values orientations, all matter in the affairs of men, Senator Ladoja is a great man. You can only give what you have.

 

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Education

HEALTH TIPS

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No matter how busy  you are, try to observe the underlisted to remain healthy:

  • Drink less milk in your tea. Instead, add lemon or lime juice
  • Drink more water during the day time but drink less at night time
  • Do not drink more than 2 cups of coffee during the day
  • Eat less oily foods
  • Best sleeping times are between 10 pm to 6 am
  • Don’t take medicines with cold water but with warm and take your medicines half an hour before going to bed. Never take medicine and lie down immediately
  • As you age, stop drinking chilled water but drink only water at room temperature
  • Try to sleep for at least 8 hours per day
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Education

RAPE ‘PANDEMIC ‘IN NIGERIA

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Rape is sexual intercourse with a woman or man against her/his will or without consent. It is also a rape when her consent is obtained under duress or threat of death or hurt. I t can also happen when her consent is obtained by virtue of a position of authority, professional relationship and the like.

The whirlwind of rape in Nigeria  is becoming alarming and unless something drastic is quickly done to nib the evil acts in the bud, we may be heading towards the state of nature which Thomas Hobbes, the 17th-century Philosopher famously described as ‘’ Solitary, nasty, brutish and short.’’ That was a situation where anybody could kill, maim, and rape without recourse to any law; thus Thomas called for the establishment of government to maintain law and order.

Rape happens globally regardless of colour, race, ethnicity, economic status, religion and culture. An African proverb says ‘If a crocodile can eat its own egg, what will it not do to the flesh of a frog’’. It is no longer a news to hear, read and see nowadays a father raping his 4 or 7-year-old daughter in his own house, on his own matrimonial bed!!

Rape has existed before now but not as rampant as it is being reported now. Perhaps it has now become novel because our society and government have not given the aggressive ‘war’ it deserves like the ‘’BOKO HARAM’’ insurgency we are currently wrestling with. Suffice it to recall cases of rape of recent: The Dangora serial rapist, who specializes in climbing the fence to rape his victims. He was alleged to have raped 40 women in one town within a year! Also, we have a 12-year old girl raped over two months ago in North-West of Jigawa state, Baraka Bello that was gang-raped and murdered in Ibadan South –West of Oyo State, the university Undergraduate- Uwavera Omozuwa allegedly raped and murdered in a church after her head was smatched with a fire extinguisher and a 17-year old girl who was gang-raped in the  South –West of Ekiti State just to mention a few.

WHY THE RAPE?

  1. THE HOME-Some parents over trust their relations-cousins, brothers, neighbours etc and leave these vulnerable ones in their care unsuspectedly. Some parents are also too preoccupied chasing money or business at the expense of their children until the damage has been done before they realize.
  2. POVERTY-Poverty has made some parents live in a one-room apartment and having sex with their spouse in the presence of their children. These children, therefore, learn the act of having sex right from their unsuspecting parents early in life. Also, some unscrupulous neighbours use money or other valuables to entice young unsuspecting and innocent girls, which eventually lured them to being raped.
  3. INDECENT DRESSING-Wearing of transparent, provocative clothing in the street, Church, School, and social gatherings entices the debased minds to rape. Close to this is late night clubbing.
  4. WRONG CHOICE OF FRIENDSHIP-Accompany friends to a male house unsuspecting that the friend had already ‘sold’ her body to the boy or man. She uses an excuse to go out but leaves her friend behind with the evil perpetrator while her friend would be waiting for her return.
  5. USE OF HARD DRUG AND ALCOHOL-Rapists have been found times unnumbered to be under the influence of hard drugs or alcohol before perpetrating the evil act. Some of them may even look ‘friendly’ at get- together party but lazed unsuspecting female’s drinks with a hard drug that will make her sleep off.
  6. INDECENT MOVIE/ADVERT-Rapists go for indecent movies, pornography to arouse their emotions and thereafter look for his prey. Also, some advertisement s on the tube (TV) entice rapists and encourage them to put into practice what they have watched.

UNICEF reported in 2015 that one of the four girls and one in 10 boys in Nigeria had experienced sexual violence before age 18. Over 31.4% of girls said their first sexual encounter had been raped or forced sex of some kind. Similarly, the Centre for Environment, Human Rights and Development reported that 1200 girls had been raped in 2012 in Rivers, a coastal state in South-Eastern Nigeria. We should go beyond the myth of rape that it’s because of indecent dressing, late nights and the like that make people rape innocent girls/women. Any reasonable human being should not think of rape. It is only people with a mental weakness that are found raping innocent girls. It shows a lack of confidence in a man or inferiority complex or deliberate wickedness or jealousy. Men are meant to defend women because they are symbols of motherhood. They are to be handled with all modesty just as we do for our parents.

EVIL EFFECTS OF RAPE ON THE VICTIMS

  1. Loss of divine Pride- Virginity (if she is a virgin)
  2. Unwanted pregnancy- turns her to a teenage mother untimely.
  3. May contract sexual transmitted disease (STD)

4. It may lead to death or deformity

  1. Stigmatization
  2. Depression
  3. It may lead to madness
  4. May turn to prostitution
  5. May hate men and vowed not to marry
  6. Afraid of relating to men

(The list is inexhaustible)

WATCH FOR SIGNS THAT MAY LEAD TO RAPE AND WHAT TO DO:

 

1. You owe it to yourself and future as a young girl or woman to stay away from an uncle, neighbours or friend,( no matter how intimate with you)  trying to touch, or hold sensitive parts of your body, such as breasts, buttocks or genitals, saying he’s just playing with you. As a boy, you should also look out for these signs because ‘sick’ men and women these days use these signs to test the waters.

  1. Avoid being alone with anybody who has expressed interest in having a ‘special’ relationship with you in the past.
  2. Don’t ever go anywhere with strangers or semi-strangers like your brother or sister’s friend, or relations you personally do not know anything about, no matter the reasons and without your parent’s approval.
  3. Always be cautious and listens to your inner mind (small voice) that warns you not to go somewhere or do something you are about to do.
  4. Always ask questions especially when you are asked to accompany anybody somewhere
  5. Scream LOUDLY when you are trapped
  6. Scratch, bite, as much as you could when trapped by a rapist (don’t make it easy for him)
  7. Don’t believe in the threat-‘’ you will die if you don’t allow me’’
  8. Report to your parents, teacher, your friend, your friend’s parents as quickly as possible

10 Reject the myth of stigmatization-tell it to whoever cares to listen to you

SUGGESTED    SOLUTIONS

The following suggested panacea will minimize drastically the problem of rape:

  1. The government must make rape a serious capital offence; if convicted, should warrant nothing less than 40 years imprisonment with 12 strokes of public canning in the home town of the culprit.

2. Quick dispensation of justice should be paramount in rape cases (at most within 4 months of prosecution and conviction)

  1. The security agencies should take rape victims seriously and with compassion whenever they report issues to them and not embarrassing them with a barrage of questions to humiliate them the more as if they are careless with their r bodies.
  2. The searchlight must be beamed on the Nigeria Film’s Censors Board to edit aspects of their movies that are erotic. They can pass on their messages to the public without including deep romantic scenes. The advertising practitioners should not allow illicit advertorials to feature on the television stations.
  3. Parents should separate their own room from their children and should not allow grown-up boys and girls to sleep on the same bed.

7. Victims of rape or their Parents should visit NAPTIP   who will help to advise and possibly facilitate the case with the appropriate authority.

Victims of rape should stop seeing themselves as worthless or hopeless because they have been defiled. The person who is really worthless and hopeless is the person who defiled them and once the victim of rape does not keep quiet, sooner or later, the perpetrator of the evil act will face the wrath of the law.

By- Idowu ‘Tunde

 

 

 

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Education

WHY CHILD ABUSE IS RAMPANT IN OUR SOCIETY- By- Idowu Tunde

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Kahlil Gibran once said ‘Your Children are not your children. They are the Sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself’’.The issue of child abuse cut across all racial, economic and cultural lines. It is not just the physical violence inflicted on a child (which we all know) but other forms of assault on any child.

Simply defined, child abuse is any form of maltreatment by an adult which may either be violent or threatening to the child. It may come from Parents, Uncles, Cousins, teachers, housemaids etc. which eventually can result in dysfunctional behaviours and abuse.

This piece is necessary as a reminder to all concerned who especially do not know the intricacies involved when they abuse a child. It is to sensitize both the parents/wards, teachers, duty care officers who reside in boarding schools and anyone having something to do with overseeing a child

A child is very vital to be considered for adequate care and protection. This is viewed seriously in Nigeria and in other climes where standard legislations have been put in place to forestall abuse; yet, children are abused in one form or the other every day. Many children are trafficked out of the countries incessantly. Those in the refugee camps have severally alleged being assaulted in the camps; there are child soldiers in some countries that are abused on a daily basis without adequate records or preventions. Some schools of thought have put a defence that probably, those who abuse children at will do not have adequate information or education on the rights of a child. Or that the governments of countries involved have not deemed it necessary to sanction the culprits because there is no adequate policy in place to deal with such barbaric and callous acts.

I have taken the time to let child abusers have the gist of acts that are regarded as child abuse for guidance.

I have about 4 of the types of abuse (but not exhausted) for our concern:

  1. Physical Abuse- Any form of physical assault (including attempts) e.g. Kicking, punching, slapping, shaking, throwing a missile at, suffocating(lock inside a room) burns, cutting/piercing, drowning( as occurred in Nigeria of recent with a single parent) biting, crawling on stones/sands, knocking on the head, pulling the ear, encouraging a sleepover in friends place etc.
  2.  Psychological/Neglect- Deprivation(when you  deprive  such a child the right care  you give to others)
  3. Emotional-Not showing love, warmth and security, overprotection, reinforcing negative behaviours, labelling children with vituperative words)abusive words, criticizing the physical appearance of a child, emphasizing child’s learning difficulties, imitating a child’s disability, exposing a child’s disadvantaged situations(family history)
  4. Sexual Abuse- Abuse of position of trust e.g.-the driver that conveys your child to school, shopping malls etc. who is fond of touching the child when alone in the car, calling her his young wife, same with the security guard, private /home –lesson teacher, Uncles, possession of indecent or abusive photographs or images of children, showing indecent pornographic materials to children, inappropriate language or behaviour towards a child, learning wrong and indecent attitude among mates in school, uncensored or uncontrolled TV shows, internet, boys and girls co-habiting in the same room. Others that look mild but could lead to child abuse are: inviting a female child to a male house and vice –versa, giving constant gifts and offering a regular ride to school or places in a male’s car.

EFFECTS OF CHILD ABUSE ON THE CHILD

  1. When a mother leaves her child in an unsupervised or unprotected situation, she has indeed given room for sexual abuse. Calling a child(male or female) bad names-worthless, stupid, idiot, pig etc. may leave an indelible scar on the child
  2. It prevents the child from making and maintaining a good relationship in future as he feels unsecured and would not trust anybody .His/her confidence has been eroded and may look inferior to his peers
  3. The child is prone to anxiety, depression and anger.
  4. He may find solace in alcohol or drugs to relieve himself from isolation and painful feelings

 

WHAT ROLES HAVE THE GOVERNMENTS PLAYED OR PLAYING TO PREVENT CHILD ABUSE?

What are the governments doing to preventing the child from being abused? Are there laws or policies in place to attack this monster called child abuse?  What are the parents/wards doing about this? What of the various schools around us?

Yes, there are laws by various governments to curb this monster from further rearing its ugly head; the problem with these policies is that they are not adequately enforced or monitored for enforcement. Even in schools, (especially private schools) standard policies are not in place to curtail the child abuse, all because the proprietors/proprietresses non- chalant attitude covering the misdemeanour of the child or staff accused or suspected of the offence just to save the school face in order to retain such a child because of school fees paid. This does not exonerate the public schools as well.

Children have the rights to be protected and catered for. Let us look at the summary of the Child Rights Act in Nigeria-2003:

( a) Every child has a right to freedom of expression

(b)Every child has a right to quality education, to play and to recreation

(c)Every child has a right to special care if handicapped

(d) Every child has a right to love, understanding and protection

(e)Every child has a right to protection against all forms of neglect, cruelty and exploitation

(f) Every child has a right to nutrition, housing, medical services

(g)Every child has a right to develop physically and mentally in a healthy manner

(h) Every child has a right to equality regardless of race, colour, sex, religion, nationality or social origin

(i) Every child has a right to be brought up in a spirit of tolerance, peace and universal brotherhood

(j) Every child has a right to be among the first to receive relief in times of disaster

(k)Every child has a right to a name and nationality

There are also different Child Protection and Legal Framework in Nigeria. I will attempt to bring out few of them here:

(a)Specific legislative provision and prevention, protection and redress sections 50-52 of the CRA 2003

(b) Sections 21-40 of same Act provide for the protection of the rights of the child through the prohibition of child-marriage, child-betrothal, infliction of tattoos and skin marks, exposure to use, production, trafficking of drugs, child labour, abduction, employment of children as domestic help outside their own home or family environment etc.

(c) Family/Home Level: Section 11 (a) of the Child’s Right’s Act 2003 states that ‘No child shall be subjected to physical, mental or emotional injury, abuse, neglect, or maltreatment including sexual abuse’’. Sub-section (6) also protects the child from torture, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.

Despite this legal framework in place, most of the children are not aware of their rights, let alone be guided by it. Most of the teachers/tutors do not even know about these laws. At the home front, all that some of the parents know is that ‘’I am the one that gave birth to my children and I can do whatever pleases me .’’ That is why they inflict injuries on the children without any remorse or fear of being apprehended by the government to face the law. Some schools do not have any policy in place to curb child abuse. Where the policy is in place, knowingly or unknowingly, refuse to implement the policy probably because of the reasons best known to them.

REMEDIES

  1. Parent, teachers etc should observe their children, the way they behave, look etc. Plus what you see for yourself
  2. Listen to the children-don’t be too busy or think they are too naïve. Children talk to people they trust
  3. Record or write down concerns or disclosures as soon as possible and write down time and date
  4. Refer or pass over your concerns to other trusted people. (don’t  keep the information to yourself alone)
  5. If it’s a school, develop training opportunities to ensure staff have a chance to discuss and make all staff supervisors supported by the management
  6. Establish a focal point where children can trust adults(in a school)
  7. Parents should not put a computer in the bedroom.
  8. The governments should rigidly implement CHILD RIGHTS ACTS and punish culprit severely to serve as a deterrent.

 

  • Idowu is a professional Communicator, Mentor/Caregiver, who is in the business of child mentoring for over a decade.

 

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